Wednesday, December 3, 2008

the right decisions that I take

The things that I did right in my life

> At the shop, when dinky bhaiya asked me “how am I” and I replied him back “bas apki dua hain”.

> all that time that I have spent on vocabulary, blogging and writing instead of doing anything else.

> at the civil lines square, when I said the mopede driver that he should have stopped instead of asking me to do so.

> when I said to the dean office guy that I cannot produce an income certificate.

> when I said to dinky bhaiya in front of saheb that I want to see the letter which said that my motherboard cannot be repaired.

> when I refused to give money to mangal


dec 3: crytpo exam, amit srinet was sitting behind me, he asked me to show an answer but I had already done my paper and was just thinking over leaving the hall, after a pause I left the hall without caring (or being afraid of amit).

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

When I knowingly took wrong decision

1> When Manish bhaiya asked me about whether or not I have eaten centre fresh before.

2> When chandan's grand father asked me about phuphaji.

Dec 3: did writing in the end sem

* Today is my cryptography paper, but I have decided to do at least an hour of writing

* I don't know whether this decision is right or wrong or that whether it will benefit me or not, but yesterday when I was not feeling like cheating and still cheated, I was caught.

* so today, when I have just covered the back paper of crypto and have a lot of time, I am trying to take a chance and write instead of study.

* I will write in the afternoon whether this decision was right or wrong.

After the exam:
* Sir had repeated the paper so not much difference would have been there even if I had studied and not written, so it appears that the decision to write and not study was right.

Dec 2: Caught Cheating

* Today caught cheating in the xml end sem of the 7 sem.

Monday, December 1, 2008

the lesser sorrow

I would be less sad if

1> gf/ no gf
Ans: no gf

2> have friends/ no friends
Ans: no friends
Dec 3: friends (I accept that I need friends however painful it may be)

3> sleep/ no sleep
Ans: no sleep

4> movie/ no movie
Ans: no movie

5> clear pipe/ no clear pipe
Ans: no clear pipe

6> study/ no study
Ans: no study
Dec 3: study (I accept that I need to study however unwriting it may be)

7> gtalk/ no gtalk
Ans: no gtalk

8> news/ no news
Ans: no news

9> naruto/ no naruto
Ans:

10> weak/ strong
Ans: strong

11> home/ no home
Ans: no home

12> mobile/ no mobile
Ans: no mobile
Dec 3: mobile ( I am ready to check my mobile, keep it charged etc)

13> marriage/ no marriage
Ans: no marriage

14> gmail/ no gmail
Ans: no gmail

15> project/ no project
Ans:

16> promotion/ no promotion
Ans: no promotion
Dec 3: promotion (I accept that I have to work for promotion however unwriting it may be)

17> chits/ no chits
Ans: no chits

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Nov 29: The best day ever

> worked for project till 5.30 with kapil and aps

> bhaiya talked to the bank manager and he told that absence of mother would not be an issue in the draft of the loan

> did not stammer in front of the class during the project presentation and also did it pretty well

> Mummy boarded kaifiyat to delhi

> had a great dinner at convocation

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Voice: When I spoke well

13 dec:
with the project guide about the project with kapil and aps

1) 29 Nov: Final year project presentation,

2) 2 Dec: I was caught doing cheating, but still managed to speak frankly with the matka, rajesh kr. gupta.

3) 3 Dec: during the crypto exam, when I said to the teacher that there are two abhishek

4) 6 Dec: with dk yadav, when I and kapil discussed with him the various possibilities of the composition of patterns

4) 12 dec: at the vijaya bank, when I went to return the 500 note

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dreams

Dec 15:
sitting outside the home alley with some english literature book in hand, manu and two three other kids are playing there, one or two jhoola are there, manu is unable to play and I also do not assist, then I decide to help manu and leave studying, but by then, manu too has come

Dec 14:
dream1
* I live in some sort of narrow corridor-cum-home-cum-shop amidst a chain of shops in a place like chowk with my computer too in the place, one night when I return to my place, I find that my home has changed to a cheap jwellery shop, I enter the shop to find a girl putting her material everywhere in the shop, I ask her but she is very cool about it, I then go in the neighbourhood to enquire about it and ask how did he let it happen, but it turns out that that man himself let all that happen and he persuades me to accept sharing that shop with the girl

I am infuriated and I yell that I will teach him a lesson and will register cases of forgery against him, he leaves the shop probably to call some thugs, I then go in the shop and warn the girl that if she does not leave by herself I will throw all her things, the girl agrees and slowly starts putting her things outside while cursing me all the same, I offer her my help but she refuses

I do not have my mobile, in the other shop next to me, moazzam is there, I ask if for a mobile and decide that I will call tinku bhaiya and bhaiya and teach him a lesson

the girl only put aside some of her things and say that she will not put away the shelfs etc, I then tell her that if she does not do it, I will throw them myself,

then a thug comes, looking somewhat like the brother of deepak bhaiya, and calls someone call salamat his friend, I am happy that today I will finally be beaten

dream2
* a military hostel sort of, some fight among boys, the boys are from outside but have come to visit the hostel, the boys get beaten, then a minister sort of personality enters the hostel, calls everyone, everyone is afraid, he then scolds everyone, havoc in the hostel, he enters the rooms and checks the cleanliness etc and scolds boys for not keeping it clean, he then calls the boy who was the reason of the fight, we do not see but we can hear him being beaten by the minister, I think that what sort of man is the chief who is not resisting, I think probably he is afraid of the anger of the minister or being nullified by him, I think that if I were the chief, probably I would have done the same or at least I would have got into his knees and begged him to leave the boy.

dream3
* some sort of mess, after the food, I ask for sweet dish, the servant tells me something but I refuse, he then offers me something else, a burger dipped in sweet soup with salad, I take it

Dec 13:
* went to vaishno devi, the alley beside jns through the forest led me to a place supposed to be vaishno devi, chunks of people met in the way, they are walking in a line, I surpass them by walking out of line, after some time, we reach a hospital, people are there in the hospital but we do not know where to head, then I see some people going down slopy downstairs, although I do not know whether it is the right way, I still follow them and reach to the bottom first, but there it turns out that it is not the route and instead I have come in a toilet, I pee there and again walk upstairs to the top hurriedly, during the way, there are shop, chambers of doctors etc, at the top i ask the route and someone direct me to the route, when I reach there, I ask someone about vaishno devi, he tells me that its 250 km from here and we are presently in imambara (or something like that), I should take a train but when I told him that I am alone, he told me to travel in the general quota, I say that since its 250 kms, it must take 5 hours, then he says that when we reach katra, it would be a lot of uphill tracking and if we are planning to watch movie, not all three should sleep at the same time, beside we should take a minnimum of 3-4 hours of sleep, aps meets me there, I am surprised to see him and he tells me that he too has come out of mood, near the top stair, he has submitted his purse for fear of pocket pickers and suggest me to do the same, I ask the rate, the guy tell me that its between 5-30 and then after seeing my stuff, he tells that mine would cost 30, I am irritated and ask aps how much did it cost him, he says 23

I decide to not give him the purse and check aps purse in which stuffs from other guys too has come, we return him the stuffs, then I put my atm, mobile in the school bag and ask aps to put it in his front chest whereas I take over aps big bags and I ask aps to walk ahead of me so that I could keep an eye on him, I am afraid that if my atm is lost this time too, I may have to go through a lot of trouble.

we discuss that it is not good for us two to go on such a long voyage, we decide that we will come in winter in the off season with others but then we realize that it is winter itself and the seventh sem has already passed away

while we are resting at a place, a group of four guys is also standing there, one of them suspiciously watches our stuffs and especially my pawan's watch, he then drops his key over our bags and moves to pick it, I stop it and hand it myself, then the other guy drops his key and laughs

I give him back the key and know that we may have to fight, I think I should send aps to call police whereas I would handle the guys, I also think that I should have thrown the key in the river, the guys also watch our digicam.

reason:
* the 'key' scene might have been inspired from 'ek chalis ki last local'
Nov 27:
a long and wide terrace with uneven floor and segments, we are their, watching the cricket being played on the ground floor through a big rectangular void in the floor. a lot of people playing, parmar too, after sometime I ask parmar that I want to play too, he denies and tells that their are runs only in the straight, I insist but he still denies, I come ddownstairs and watch them play closely, then maurya comes and stands beside me, we discuss about the game and say how foolish it is to keep runs only in the straight, then we talk of the placements, I joke that compnaies are only coming for other branches and not cs, maurya contradiects me and says that they are also comimg for cs too, he also tells me a good news, that he has got a job today, I ask which company, he tells some name and tells that its package is only slightly above drdo. I ask why then he tells that due to financial priorities, I say that he may not do ias preparation in the prifate sector.

I then come on the first floor and surprisingly see that now lawn tennis and badminton too is being playied. vipin is among the one playing tennis so I request him to let me play too. vipin then shows me that he is onl a tool and he is doing for his two friends and brother who was also plying. sad, i leave the place. then i trurn back to see that ojha is playing and vipin's brother is standing aside. By the time I reach the adhoc court, Kapil would have reached there too and teaching vipin' s brother how to grip the racket. Then Kapil pronounces that abhishek knows to play the best and indeed I return a good shot immediately.

Since it was a ad-hoc court, just behind was a deep rectangular void, as is expected in the architecture of a house. The tennis ball apparently went frequently there causing a trouble in the flow of game. At one such occasion, a boy, whom they had set for the purpose, says that he will immdiately dive and fetch the ball for us. While doing so, he wants to jump the ten feet high but I stop him and say that he should take precaution instead of showing off to the girls.

He jumps and fetches the ball and is still in the void when the protrudes to take shape of a hand and tries to catch him. Although their is a great possibility to e scape but the kid becomes frightened to see it. Slowly, the hand ultimately catches and crushes him. On the top, as always, I still parry courage with my intellectual confusion.

The source of the devil act turns out to be a small kid in the crowd who now utters that after the kid, he will now kill me. He then picks out a standing sheep, fills her with his power and set her towards me.

I sense the danger and immediately run away from him. Now the floor turns out to be of golwara's terrace. I jump from the second floor in the gap on the floor and run away. But the sheep is very fast and quickly catches to me.

I now think I would need ammunition to kill this sheep and that I can get from the prakash arms store. But instead of taking straight route from my house to prakash, I prefer a complicated router from the street to vaishali laj to the first floor then jumping from it to kedar fruit shop and then the shop itself.

However in the way, when I am hiding in the customes of a tailor shop below the vaisahli laj beside panditji, the sheep (now a zebra) passes by me but I somehow manage to hide myself.

It appear that I do fool the sheep but by the time, I reach the shop it is going to be closed and was already half so. I beg for a gun and ammunition. The servant says that the shop is closed and there is no money too. I say that I am the son of Jagdish Baranwal that I live nearby and that a sheep is behind my life.

No one listens or understands me, Then I shut myself in the big room like locker of the shop and beg for ammunition. People including the dm keep on coming and pursuing me to come out but I do not listen to them.

After staying in the locker, I predict that the sheep has not figured me out but I guess that to get rid of the sheep, I would first have to get rid of the kid who invoked it.

So I now set up my trap. I go to the room of the kid using imitation technique. But the kid finds it out and escapes. In the next scene, the kid and me are facing each other, the sheep is nowhere to be seen and we are fighting in ninja technique.

Then a small sheep appears. The kid tries to awakens it but then I cripple his hands and tear off the sheep.

Reasons:
1> Had been watching Naruto lately.
2> saw the locker room of sbi lately.
3> yesterday I talked with kapil about badminton.


Nov 24:
A> Me and three other persons (two gals, one guy) are working in some software company (probably microsoft) one day decide to break free of ourselves. Our office is in a cornered section where very few people come. Thus, we break, everything that we see there, the furniture, the bathroom on the above floor etc.

When I again find myself in the environment, I see that all others have gone. Out of curiosity, I go the above floor through a stair, enter into the bathroom, break the english comode and the wash basin. Then I hear noises coming from downstairs. I peek to find out that he is someone else. I get frightened and cannot think of what to do. There is an escape window but its on the other wall and there is no route to it. I lay down behind an elevated terrace hoping that the guy would not see me. But when I check him out again, he is coming towards me with a crossed iron bar. Then there is fight between us. I think that if the guys had called swat, it would have been much difficult to escape from this building. I think that I would have somehow opened the escape door and then, hide in the bathroom giving the impression that I escaped from the window.

Reasons:
1> At Lucknow, there was an English comode.
2> An iron rod was lying in front of 110, Patel.
3> I had read the word 'swat' in dictionary yesterday.

B> I and amitji are sitting somewhere (not sure where). I take her hand and ask which is the engagement finger after seeing her little finger empty. She points the finger. I ask her in a jovial tone that if I were to propose her, would she accept it. She says 'of course, I will'.

Reason:
1> While playing TT yesterday, a ring from the engagement finger of a guy had fallen down and I chuckled over the thought whether he has been engaged.

27 Sept:
* me, vineeta mam and a girl (probably one of the seven sisters) are practicing for some function in an empty two storeyed hall. It is late and we are the only two practicing for it. Then the principal comes and asks us that we should give him a demo and then we can go. We give him the demo, a sort of group rehersal, of the song hey ishwar ya allah. Though I am not a part of the chorus, I too participate. The principal is happy and says that we can leave after one more practice while he himself leaves. But after he goes, we start packing and mrs. vineeta tells us that its foolish to be that sincere. While I was singing, I thought I was quite well and that the principal will identify my voice and praise it.

reason:
* read an article in india today regarding riots in kandhamal district involving christians hence the principal thing.
* the two storeyed room was similar to the one of farhan akhtar in rock on.
* there had been a group song on rock on in swagat 08

* dream 2: some murder mystery, someone wants to kill a guy, he is suspicious of everyone including me, but then I win his trust, in the end, I take him to the roof and want to reveal who is plotting against him but then I think that why cannot I be the murderer and in the novel, I would describe it as that I jettisioned the person.

* dream 3: 27 sept
azamgarh, I do two murders, the first one is of abhinav, the second is of an aide, exactly why I do this murder is not clear, I kill abhinav with a sword, in badarka, in broad day light, in front of public and I am on a cycle. After killing him, I first want to drive home via the agrasen route then due to slower cycle speed on that path, I take the shortcut in the alley beside Mrs. Mandakini's house. The second murder (or the first one) is of abhinav's helper/driver in a ambassdor. Abhinav's aide named rajesh help me in this.

After the two murders, I now mull over my prospects of being caught. Abhinav's family is a influential one and I know that they would leave no stone unturned to get the murderer caught. I am sure that the police would interrogate hard and possibly, there might be a lie detector test too. I think of ways of delinking myself from the murder. I am not sure whether the public who saw me after I had murdered Abhinav would recognize me. To check, I again go through the same route on the same cycle (a hero ladies). Rajendra, the mess worker is there. He looks with suspicion towards me but the I pass beside him.

Then I think that somehow the police would know that Abhinav had a meeting with me. So I have to come up with something really logical so that I do not come under suspicion. I think that I would say that I had called him to go to prateek's house who had recently come in the city but when he did not come for long, I left him. simple and sweet. I also think of murdering the left aide so that nothing could trace it back to me but I do not want to complicate things more.

I think of contacting rajesh to give him some instructions but I am afraid that this might not work as I intend. There is a great possibility that police would trace the clues to me and then, there might be a lie detector test.

The chances of my being caught are great. I think of fleeing away but then this would further deteriorate my chances. My future looms in front of me. A life term in jail, fourteen years of life aloof from everyone else and then back to shop. I am happy that finally I would get some free time to write.

But then the intangible factors loom. how would i face my family. I think that I would say to them that I am innocent even if I am proved guilty but then it comes to saheb and I think that I would tell the truth to him.

till now, there is no guilt in me for having murdered two humans. I am thinking of dialogues that I am a cold blooded human and that is how it is.

but I am afraid of being caught but I can do nothing about it. its evening and i see the headlines of tomorrow's newspaper, two men brutally murdered, the murderer is a young boy, etc etc

I am preparing myself for my destiny. I think of manu (probably i have murdered chanu too I forgot it after I wake up). chacha talks to her about me. I am just waiting for the trial, the humiliation and the sentence. there is nothing I can do, things have gone too far and now there is no looking back even if I want to. I am very broken down, no way out but then my sleep breaks :)

reasons for the dream:
* rajesh is the name of the mess worker whom I teach
* the sword might be the one I saw at the mela at teliarganj

* chinese background, a creature wanting to take revenge, duplicates the signature of the major general get amnesty, fools a cat, fire in the fields, lost gf in the flood, should have saved her, the general is a mice, refused to touched by dirty soldiers, "many times he had to travel thousand mile" to catch the general, use unique method to land from the roof top to the bottom, although it appears that he is using some aeroplane actually its a paper folded, locked in bunker, all in graphic,

22 oct:
* A slide in the middle of a building, leads to many paths, the mac d, a godown basement ( this one by the way is its original end point), you just have to slip in and bang, you land on a truck waiting to take you out on a free ride, if you are unlucky, your butt would just have to bear the heat for some extra time, its a old villain's den sort of place, truck come to their helipad, the place digs in through the mechanical elevator etc. To come out of the basement, you would have to do it with hand, feet and without any stairs and do an upward climb through the debris

* in the basement thing, before the truck takes you on the ride, first there was a elevator sort of thing and you need to hold to something to avoid being thrown or injured. I got once by the way

* among others shaurya


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

coincidence: Murphy's law

11 Nov.
* Today I
searched about Murphy's law in wikipedia, "Anything that can go wrong will always go so".
* Then in the evening, Abhishek Kumar had put the status, "if anything can go wrong, it will"

What happened when I decided that I would not participate in homely affairs?

11 Nov, 2008
* For the last 3-4 days, a lot of activities had been going on at home regarding shift of mother to delhi.
* I too was on an individual shift from the adulterated to one without movies, sleep or of late, food.
* Boosted by my strength, I decided that I would no longer interfere in family affairs which included this much awaited trip of mummy and me not calling home anymore.
* then today didi called me and asked about my plans in the next few days.
* The moral of the story is that I should stop involving myself into anything not directly related with my writing because otherwise too, it does not makes much of a difference anyways.

Monday, November 10, 2008

why I did not write then

NOV, 08:

Third week 16 nov-30 nov: end sems of 7th semester from 1-4 dec.


Dec, 08:

GATE on 10 Feb, 09


Jan 09:

GATE on 10 Feb, 09:


Feb 09:

Class tests, GATE and public sector preparation


Mar 09:

Public sector preparation


Apr 09:

Public sector preparation, end sem, project presentation


May 09->:

Public sector preparation

Saturday, September 27, 2008

when will I get time for writing

28 Sept, Sunday 2008:
On Tuesday, I am about to go home for a two week holiday. Then when I will return, cts would be due in one week and then I would get no time for my writing, after the cts, most probably I would immediately leave for home for diwali. When I return, I would have cat, project presentation. After cat, I will have end sem, then I would leave for home for a one month holiday. Then I would have to prepare for GATE. After Gate, I would have to indulge full fledgedly for the PSUs. After the final end sem, I would have to study both for NOVELL and the PSUs. During my job at Novell, I would have to take care of PSUs, so from my busy life, where there is time for everything else, when will my writing get the share of time.

How much time am I going to devote to writing in my left time at MNNIT???????????

Thursday, September 18, 2008

its over + the war is over + starting my writing career today

sept 19:
* so its final, will not wait for a government job to start the novel thing, now on it's all the same.

* wasted the whole night watching movies, then came up with this idea why don't I start the novel thing right now, why postpone it for some uncertain government job :>

* so here I am, having finally taken the last step to my destiny, and that too after watching all the three parts of matrix

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mukti + once again + first class

sept 13, saturday:

* today, I once again began my crusade against literacy

* but this time, thanks god, I am all alone

* only rajender was there

* but I am happy that at least I am doing something for it.

fight + jayanta + suicide + mukti

sept 14:

* day before yesterday, I had a fight with jayanta, anta and ojha.

* to be precise, it was not a fight, but a sort of teasing in which they ganged up on me

* after initial resistance, I gave up and let them speak.

* when they were over, I had got into my silent anger mode

* I gave up talking to them, to aps and to any human whom I don't think worthy of it

* but amid this solitude, I realized one great thing.

* that my desire to commit suicide had vanished

* yes surprising as it is, since I do not have any friends now, I do not want to commit suicide.

* very surprising indeed.

mess + four days dal + quarrel + mess secretary

sept 14:
* today in the dinner, dal was served for the fourth day in the week.

* I was irritated, I went to see the item in the other mess but then I settled for the pulses.

* I saw vikas soni, searching for the mess secretary, I guessed his purpose

* this further infuriated my mind

* then our mess secretary, hemant of tronix came and sat beside me

* and that was it

* I immediately asked him why is dal made four times in the night

* a bit of altercation followed and then as usual no conclusion was reached

* but the good thing is that I protested

* I think part of this is due to the mukti classes that I am taking, which has provided me the confidence

* the realization that I am able to make the mess workers learn something is really a great feeling.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

swaroop rani hospital + ct scan + queue + fight

9 sept:
* I had gone to swaroop rani hospital for a checkup.

* there was a long long queue

* when I had just reached near the end, a tall guy tried to poke in the queue

* he was quite smart and he had first tried acted as a family member of a lady in the lady queue

* but after the lady was gone, I saw him lingering round the counter with coins in his hand

* I stopped him and asked whether he is in the queue

* he said he is from staff

* i said if he is from staff why is he taking the ticket from here, why not from inside

* although my point was valid, he immediately came up with another white lie

* debate heated up and i asked him to come in queue

* then others in the queue also started supporting me

* he then decided to quit

* but then he asked me to come and meet outside

* i said I would meet him but first I have to take ticket

* after I had taken the ticket, i saw him, he was waiting for me outside the queue

* he asked me to come outside the hall

* I was afraid but then I started speaking in loud voice that what wrong I had done

* he asked me why I am shouting like that

* I said to him that I have come to this place to take medicine and not to fight, and if he really wants to fight, he should wait for me outside

* my argument worked, he let me go and with a thumping heart I went to room no 2/17

* later I found the room locked and came back to the reception to complain, and guess what, I saw the same guy standing in the middle of a queue :yahoo

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Teliarganj + mela + jayanta + 195/- shopping

sept 6, 08:

* Today was saturday.

* I, Jayanta, aps and anta had gone to evergreen when we saw huge traffic on road.

* The shopkeeper told that today there is a mela in Teliarganj and hence this traffic.

* After the dinner I asked all three of them whether they are interested in the mela.

* Although I was expecting none of them to agree, surprisingly Jayanta agreed to come with me.

* But since he was in sorts, he first wished to change clothes.

* during our travel to Teliarganj, we also went for ten minutes to see the swagat, being organized in the electrical department garden.

* as usual it was boring, and we left the place quickly.

* when we reached Teliarganj, there was no electricity,

* with half mood, we started seeing the shops.

* but after ten minutes, light came,

* and then we saw all shop, especially me and especially the toy shop

* I had took only 110 but when I came back, I had done a shopping of nearly 185.

* but it was fun

* really fun,

mangal + donation

2 sept, 08

* Mangal, the mess worker came to my room.

* I was lying down, the lights were off.

* He put on the light as soon as he entered the room.

* He showed me a letter.

* It was written in English undersigned by the mess secretaries and an appeal was made to give money for some pankaj srivastava coz he was facing certain financial problem.

* I thought for a moment, all those torments that I had gone under Mangal's kingdom and then I said to him that I cannot give the money to him and he should send some other person to get the money.

* At first he did not seem to understand me and asked that why am I not giving money.

* Then I clarified that I do want to give money but not to him.

* When he wanted to know the reason, I just said to him that its no use discussing such things with him when I am in final year and have no relation with his mess.

* Then I asked him to switch off the lights.

* At this, he left the room, saying that no one will come to take the money.

* Besides he also said a thank you.

* I have no guilt whatsoever about what I have done. In fact, by god's grace and by my controlled behavior, I was finally able to take vengeance.

Friday, August 22, 2008

seattle

Aug 22, 08:
when I was checking the meaning of tentative in the cambridge advanced learner dictionary, this sentence was given as an example, I have made tentative plans to go to seattle in july.

dec 12, 08:
once again I bumped into 'tentative' but this time, through searching for the right word to be written before syllabus in 'growing up in mnnit'.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

C-DOT

21 August:
* C-Dot had come yesterday for placements and today it took Agrim Jain, Amit pratap singh, binny, prateek awasthi, and ratindra pandey

* ratindra's cpi is 7.75 and mine is 7.66

* now after the placements when I think of it, I think I am happy that I did not get selected in C-DOT and have been placed in a private firm with a good job

* it would have been utter insanity if I had waited for c-dot and left all other companies as I may otherwise wanted to do.

* perhaps, at the end of day, as always, i really don't know what I want but the good thing is that as always, destiny is doing my shopping.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Novel == Novell

Aug 18: Is it mere co incidence that Novell software has novel as its prefix.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The rule

* Will the story be set in a fancy land or real life?
> The story should be set in real life coz that will reduce the burden from my mind and I could focus on the story concept instead of irrelevant details.

> But then there is the risk of plagiarism i.e. my novel would end up being one of the several other novels on the same theme.

> What difference it makes if it does and what if it doesn't. I have to express myself in the best possible way and that should be my first and last priority.

> But would not fancy land be a much better option i.e it might make it all appear less boring and treat the main theme as an add on thus increasing the effect, something like the script writing style of Mani ratnam.

> Hmm, thats a good option and this way I may make it a children story too.

> Oh great, so what about giving it a form of a children's tale.

> But can a child be able to digest all that. What should be the level of intellectualism that I would feed them.

> Yes, that's a genuine doubt.

> So the rule would not be treated as a child's tale.

* But will it be set in a fancy land.
> That might be a good option but it will make the task of writing all the more difficult.

* If I am going for a fancy land, what sort of place will be it and how will it differ from real life.

* Can the story be set inside the brain, after all I have to write the adventures of I and this would be a good experience for me for the same.

* But if I am setting it inside the brain, how will I introduce the rule.

* Why not work over two plots, one in real life and the other in brain, and then I will further work over which ever will suit me more. Besides, I will also have the option of undertaking both as a project.

* real life:
> The guy is searching for a rule, in the end, he recognizes his talent and decides to focus his entire life on it.

* So why exactly is he searching for this rule?
> Because he feels that something like this exists in this world.

* Should not I make it all simple and just jot down how things went for me during my iit days and in mnnit?
>

* Should I give up this novel thing and focus on story writing for now.
> Even after I would have written the stories, novels writing would be equally difficult.

* Should I accept that I cannot write a fictional novel?
> Look I can write a novel if I have all of it in my brain i.e. I am able to visualize it well. For example, I can very easily write My MNNIT days coz I have all of it in my brain and I need not to visualize anything about it. So if I am able to visualize my plot well, I am definitely not going to have any problem.

* In the novel, I may place events which the hero would realize in the end has made up his destiny like destiny planned my actions for writing like the one learning the typing class, the three year gap, the solitude, the low cpi, the breakups, the blogging etc.

* So all I need is a good visualization of the story.
> But for that, I need to have a story.

* Right now, I have the name of the novel and its central theme.

* I have to insert this destiny thing i.e. when the part of the puzzles reveal the whole picture.

* Can I not make it a story on my life, the typewriting, iit, mnnit, blogging etc

* What will be the thing (talent) that he will realize in the end?
> drawing
> writing
> singing

Now on, every day is the same

Aug 17:
* Today was the last day of my three day long holiday from 15 Aug (Fri) to 17 Aug (Sat).

* I had missed Rakshabandhan, learned some twenty odd words and deleted my all blogs in the last two days.

* Most of the holiday had been spent in either sleeping or mulling over what I have to do with my writing in the long run.

* Today too, while after an one hour exhaustive session, I was thinking over the same question, I came to this conclusion that its vain to defer my plans for any fixed checkpoint in life. There is nothing much I can do to direct life and thus the only option I am left with is to adapt myself according to it.

* So I thought that like my college recruitments, when despite my least intentions I was selected in a private firm with great package, it is possible that my other long term plans too would meet similar fate.

* Thus I decided that I would no longer wait for any green signals and now on, would live (especially in terms of writing) as if I have got all what I wanted to.

* In other words, it means that from now on, all the days in my life are the same for me.

* I suppose this might also serve as a handy rule i.e. 'all the days in life are the same'.

* Right now I am feeling a lot more relaxed and confident, especially because I have availed myself all the time in the world and also, relieved myself of any fears regarding occurrence and non-occurrence of any event.

* Let's see what lies for me in future.

* And also that how long this rule may survive.

Aug 21:
* Today after I submitted the story for phoonk, I also made a 'new' blog, with the title vomits and the address yupsthatsme.

* in between these six days, I had been questioned twice about my blogs once by anoob and the other time by saket.